Why did I retire at 51?

“You’re too young to retire.”

— Everyone

Not just leisure but exploration

For most, the “formal and normal” definition of retirement is to cease work and focus on leisure and relaxation.  For me, retirement is about focusing on personal growth, engagement, and purpose, rather than just the withdrawal from a corporate job.  I might be entering this phase earlier than others, but I like to think of it instead as being more ready than most at my age to explore the next chapter of life.

Physical health

Some of the reasons for stepping away from full-time work were physical, as I faced some chronic disease earlier than most.  I found out at age 36 that I had an undiagnosed case of Type 2 diabetes. I am sure I am affected because of some genetics, some epigenetics, and also poor lifestyle choices.  Controlling diabetes for me was difficult because of the side effects of the drugs at the time, and that my liver’s overproduction of endogenous glucose overwhelmed any dietary changes I was making.  Over time, my immune system has gotten quite compromised, and I got pneumonia twice in a four year period.  Fast forward 20 years, and I’m now at the point where I have stage 4 Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD) and diabetic retinopathy.  I certainly felt a push to explore the next chapter of life before disease kicks in further, and part of this exploration for me is about writing it down.  

(On a happier note, technology is catching up.  Ozempic has proven to be a miracle drug that better targets my diabetes without the side effects, and Eyelea has also proven very effective at controlling its impact on my eyesight!  These are very expensive drugs, and I appreciate the ability to have health insurance.  More on this later)

Burnout

Some of the reasons for stepping away were related to burnout at an earlier age from too many startups in both Silicon Valley and Seattle.  (Many say that startup years are like dog years because a year in a startup is more like 7 years in an established company!)  On the positive side, two of those startups where I was an early employee and executive became profitable and did IPOs.  I was also an early part of several other startups that went on to experience success after I departed.  I even did one that sucked.  Overall, I was part of 7 different startup companies before retiring, and all of those experiences involving long hours and the need for a natural introvert to remain outwardly energetic, enthusiastic, and social took a toll.  By the time I’d get home every day, I’d just be so completely wiped.  When people would tell my wife at company parties how outgoing I was, she would always think “Who the hell are you talking about?”

(Of course, I haven’t completely stepped away from this world, as I still do some consulting spanning project work, interim executive assignments, and executive coaching.  At first, I filled my bucket with “probes” to explore retirement life spanning volunteer work, angel investing, and too much consulting.  However, I don’t let these activities consume me anymore, and I leave myself plenty of time for exploration.  More on this later…)

Emotions

Still, probably the most significant reason for stepping away from the startup scene and the world of full-time work was more emotional.  I look back and recognize that I just wasn’t as “present” in the other aspects of my life.  Much as engineering teams in tech companies need to often step back and address their “technical debt”, I’m still working through to resolve some of the “personal debt” I accrued in my relationships with my wife, kids, extended family, and friends.  It’s taken some time, but once I allowed my bucket to empty a bit and spent time listening to loved ones, I recognized that I was probably not fully participating and showing up in the world in the way I’d want to.  My motivation for creating this Substack was to use this space to really tell this emotional side of the story of my retirement journey.  Obviously, everything is interrelated, so I intend to talk about some broader topics related to retirement, much of which concern some of the more mechanical aspects of retirement (issues that are  “out there”, such as investing, engaging in freelancing, managing health issues, fitness, leisure, travel, etc.), but I hope to also share some learnings about what is happening inside of me (issues that are “in here”, including feelings and needs, relationship issues, family dynamics, loneliness, making friends, etc.)

Thank you for joining me in this exploration.

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